Host extravagantly, love constantly, dance in comfortable shoes
Host extravagantly, love constantly, dance in comfortable shoes
A collection of letters to and from mothers
Mother’s Day is fast approaching for some of us
, and whilst I realise this is a difficult time for many people, I wanted to collate some letters written to and from mothers. Without exception these are all invaluable, each containing words of wisdom that deserve to be shared far and wide, so please do feel free to forward this newsletter to as many people as you wish. You will also see, beneath each excerpt, links to the full letters, and at the very bottom you will find audio of Caitlin Moran’s entire letter, as read by the late, great Helen McCrory.Life divides into AMAZING ENJOYABLE TIMES and APPALLING EXPERIENCES THAT WILL MAKE FUTURE AMAZING ANECDOTES. However awful, you can get through any experience if you imagine yourself, in the future, telling your friends about it as they scream, with increasing disbelief, ‘NO! NO!’ Even when Jesus was on the cross, I bet He was thinking, ‘When I rise in three days, the disciples aren’t going to believe this when I tell them about it.’
Babyiest, see as many sunrises and sunsets as you can. Run across roads to smell fat roses. Always believe you can change the world – even if it’s only a tiny bit, because every tiny bit needed someone who changed it. Think of yourself as a silver rocket – use loud music as your fuel; books like maps and co-ordinates for how to get there. Host extravagantly, love constantly, dance in comfortable shoes, talk to Daddy and Nancy about me every day and never, ever start smoking. It’s like buying a fun baby dragon that will grow and eventually burn down your f***ing house.
Caitlin Moran
Letter to her daughter
2013
I wish I had paid closer attention. The things that really matter you gave me early on—a way of being and loving and imagining. It's the stuff of daily life that is often more challenging. I step unsure into a world of rules and etiquette, not knowing what is expected in many situations. I am lacking a certain kind of confidence. Decisions and departures are difficult. As are dinner parties. Celebrations and ceremony. Any kind of change. Small things become symbolic. Every object matters—that moth-eaten sweater, those photos. Suddenly I care about your silverware. My memory is an album of missed opportunities. The loss of you lingers.
Karin Cook
Letter to her late mother
1999
Life is scary, Jaya, and it’s glorious. You’re never going to get it all right. You’ll get it deliciously messed up, and that will be part of figuring out who you are.
There’s a huge force affecting your generation—it’s called social media, and it’s mothering you as much as I am. This other mother is very influential, and she’s telling you that your value is determined by how many people follow you. She is deciding what beauty looks like and which extravagances add up to a fun life.
What social media is giving young girls right now are the two stories that keep us trapped—the black and the white. At one extreme, everything’s perfect and light, and everyone’s surrounded by friends. The other end of the spectrum seems to glamorize the darkest depression and solitude. But I want you to know that most of your life will happen in the gray spaces between bliss and heartbreak, between having everything lock into place and having it all fall apart. That’s where the grace is.
Laura Dern
Letter to her daughter
2017
I hope you will never regret the life we have created for you out of our seed. To me the only answer a woman can make to the destructive forces of the world is creation. And the most ecstatic form of creation is the creation of new life. I have so many dreams for you. There are so many virtues I would endow you with if I could. First of all, I would make you tough and strong. And how I have labored at that! I have eaten vitamins and minerals instead of food. Gallons of milk, pounds of lettuce, dozens of eggs. Hours of sunshine. To make your body a strong one because everything [depends] on that. I would give you resiliency of body so that all the blows and buffets of this world would leave you still unbeaten. I would have you creative. I would have you a creative scientist. But if the shuffling genes have made of you an artist, that will make me happy too. And even if you have no special talent either artistic or scientific, I would still have you creative no matter what you do. To build things, to make things, to create—that is what I covet for you. If you have a strong body and a creative mind you will be happy. I will help in that.
Jessie Bernard
Letter to her unborn daughter
1941
You always believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself, and you always said ‘I have to, I’m your mum’, as if a sense of duty is all that compels a person to act so selflessly—and you really were selfless, because we didn’t have much, and I know everything you had you gave to me. I’m exhausting, and I’m not easy to love, and when I made it especially difficult, you never stopped trying. Even when I was being a little shit (which I suspect was most of the time).
We both know it’s not always easy, it’s never going to be easy. But thanks, at the very least, for teaching me if you keep going, eventually you might be able to laugh about things. And in the end, laughing about our own mortality, and marvelling at what tiny, insignificant specks of stardust we really are, is the best any of us can really hope for. I’m happy with that.
Hannah Strong
Letter to her mother
2018
My sweet babies, I do not have the answer to the question of why, at least not now and not in this life. But I do know that there is incredible value in pain and suffering, if you allow yourself to experience it, to cry, to feel sorrow and grief, to hurt. Walk through the fire and you will emerge on the other end, whole and stronger. I promise. You will ultimately find truth and beauty and wisdom and peace. You will understand that nothing lasts forever, not pain, or joy. You will understand that joy cannot exist without sadness. Relief cannot exist without pain. Compassion cannot exist without cruelty. Courage cannot exist without fear. Hope cannot exist without despair. Wisdom cannot exist without suffering. Gratitude cannot exist without deprivation. Paradoxes abound in this life. Living is an exercise in navigating within them.
Julie Yip-Williams
Letter to her daughters
2017
(This reading by Helen McCrory, of Caitlin Moran’s letter, is taken from the Letters of Note: Mothers audiobook.)
All of these letters are taken from Letters of Note: Mothers, copies of which can be bought directly from us here. Follow the links above to read the letters in their entirety. Thanks, as always, to the letter writers (or their estates) for allowing these letters to be shared.
In the UK, it’s 19th March. In the US, it’s 14th May. I mention these two only because the vast majority of you live there, not because I hate the rest of the world.
Host extravagantly, love constantly, dance in comfortable shoes
Wonderful!
Beautiful
Thank you so much for this!