I decline to sit in a hot room and eat dead animals, even with you to amuse me.
George Bernard Shaw says no.
According to Vivian Elliot in her 1987 book, Dear Mr Shaw, Irish playwright and critic George Bernard Shaw sent somewhere in the region of 250’000 letters and postcards during his lifetime, the majority in response to strangers seeking either advice, money, a photograph, an autograph, or Shaw’s presence at an event. And not all of those replies were in the form of the “decline card” seen above. No, sometimes Shaw generously took time out from his busy schedule to grumpily and with barely any tact send a personalised head shake. Here are just a few.
(See also: The art of saying no.)
My own mother has just had a stroke, Charlotte is blue and gasping for life in paroxysms of asthma and bronchitis; and I am rehearsing no less than three plays. Therefore my reply to your letter is a hollow laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter to William Rothenstein
September 1912It would be easier and pleasanter to drown myself.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter to West Edinburgh Labour Party
18th September 1922Mr Bernard Shaw has asked me to say that it is more impossible for him to accept the invitation this year than last year, as he had a narrow escape this year from being cremated himself, and must for the present go very slowly in the matter of public speaking.
Blanche Patch (Shaw's secretary)
Letter to the Hull Conference of Crematorium Authorities
1926I am fully conscious of the honour done me by the Philosophical Institution of Edinburgh in asking me to lecture; but the condition that my subject should be non-controversial makes it impossible for me to accept the invitation.
I never speak in public except on violently controversial subjects in a violently controversial way.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter to the Philosophical Institution of Edinburgh
1928A dinner! How horrible! I am to be made the pretext for killing all those wretched animals and birds and fish! Thank you for nothing. Blood sacrifices are not in my line.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter to Archibald Henderson
January 1930Too old. Loathe cricket. No connection with Southwick; don’t even know where it is.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter to Southwick Cricket Club
December 1938IMPOSSIBLE. I am 84½. You don’t need an ancient spectre whose artificial teeth fall out every time he tries to pronounce the letter B.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter declining an invitation to speak
1940Never! I decline to sit in a hot room and eat dead animals, even with you to amuse me.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter to Miss Macnaughtan
1941Please note, that I am in my 94th year, and stop bothering and mocking me with ridiculous invitations to dance Scottish reels, and the like. Dine and dance as much as you like, but let me alone.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter to the Clan Chattan Association
October 1949A poetry Society that can find no more up-to-date President than an old fogey of 93 is no place for me, nor for you either.
George Bernard Shaw
Letter to Marie Stopes
1950
Hahaha! We should all strive to be so eloquent with our refusals.
As much as I'm mesmerized by his wit, it's hard to ignore the fact that Mr. Shaw was an incredibly rude man who liked to luxuriate in hatred.
I mean, good for us, that we have absolutely delectable literature because of him; but to think what kind of life must he been living.