He is a most exemplary young man

How to introduce a new sibling

Born in Georgia in 1842, American poet Sidney Lanier lived just 39 years, his life cut short by the tuberculosis he contracted while held in a prisoner-of-war camp during the Civil War. He left behind his beloved wife and their three sons. A year before his death, on this day in 1880, Lanier wrote what is surely¹ one of the most endearing letters of introduction ever to be sent. It was addressed to his eldest son, Charley, and concerned the recent arrival of a new brother. If ever I compile a book titled Letters of Note: Awwwww, this slice of charm will be the first entry.

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West Chester, Pa.
Aug. 15, 1880.

My dear Charley:

A young man came to our house yesterday morning who claims that he is a brother of yours and Sidney’s and Harry’s, and that he is entitled to all the rights and privileges appertaining unto that honorable connection. You will be surprised to learn that both your mother and I are disposed to allow his pretensions, from the fact that he looks a great deal like Sidney—and from several other circumstances which I need not detail. Indeed your mother has already gone so far as to take him on her breast and nurse him exactly as she did you three young scamps somewhere between twelve and seven years ago. I write therefore to ask whether you and Sidney and Harry are willing to accept our opinion of this young person’s genuine kinship to you, or whether you will require him to employ a number of lawyers to assert his rights in due form before the courts of the United States. If the latter, you had best give him early notice of your intention: for the fact is he has taken such a hold upon our affections here, by the quietness and modesty of his demeanor and by the beauty of his person, that if we were summoned into Court as witnesses in such a case we would be obliged to testify that we feel almost as sure—if not quite—that he is your brother as that you are our son.

As I have said, he is a most exemplary young man. He never stays out late at night; neither chews, smokes, nor uses snuff; abstains from all intoxicating liquors, and does not touch even tea or coffee; however much preserves and fruit-cake there may be on the supper-table, he never asks for any; he does no kind of work on the Sabbath; he honors his father and mother, particularly his mother; he plays no games of hazard, not even marbles for winnance; and I am positively certain that in the whole course of his life he has never uttered a single angry or ungentlemanly word. I am bound to admit that he has his shortcomings: he isn’t as particular about his clothes as I would like to see him; he has a way of trying to get both fists in his mouth which certainly does look odd in company; and he wants his breakfast in the morning at four o’clock—an hour at which it is very inconvenient, with our household arrangements, to furnish it to him. But we hope that perhaps he will amend in these particulars, as time rolls on, and that he will become as perfect a gentleman as his three brothers. In fact we attribute these little faults of his to the fact that he appears to have been in a Far Country, and the manners and customs of peoples are so different that we really don’t know whether it may not be considered a sign of good breeding There to cram one’s fists into one’s mouth, and perhaps the very highest circles of the nobility and gentry in that Region take their breakfasts before daylight.

Earnestly hoping that this lovely little (for I omitted to mention that he is small of stature) brother Rob may find a good warm place in your three hearts without being obliged to resort to extreme measures, and with a hundred embraces for you, my dear big Charley,

I am
Your &c &c &c

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Letter excerpted from Sidney Lanier: Letters: 1878-1881 (Vol. 10). Long out of print, this book can now be read online at the Internet Archive. Photo from Getty.

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