Cross my heart and hope to die
A rejection letter from Saturday Night Live
Since Saturday Night Live first aired fifty years ago, comedy writers have dreamed of seeing their jokes land on that legendary stage—delivered by the likes of John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Eddie Murphy, Tina Fey, or Bill Hader, to name just a few. With its unmatched influence, the show has long been flooded with unsolicited submissions from hopefuls convinced they have the next great sketch. But breaking in has never been that simple. This is just one of countless rejection letters fired off since 1975, in this case written in the early days by one of the show’s original writers, Anne Beatts.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Dear
I’m sorry, but we at Saturday Night Live can’t read unsolicited material. The Writers’ Guild regulation which prevents us from reading it exists for two good reasons: one, to prevent us from stealing your jokes and two, to prevent you from claiming we stole your jokes even if we both just happen to think of the same thing at the same time.
Even if there were no such thing as the Writers’ Guild, we still couldn’t read your material because we’re all too busy either thinking up jokes or writing letters to people explaining why we can’t use the jokes that they’ve sent in.
No matter how funny you think it is, we can not read, evaluate, or use any of your stuff. We never use outside material, and we are not looking for any new writers at this time. Really. Cross my heart and hope to die, which I may do soon if I have to write any more letters like this one.
I don’t know how to get your material on television. If I did, I’d be an agent, not a comedy writer. Half the time I don’t know how to get my material on television. I don’t even know how I got this job. I do know it wasn’t by sending my material in to anyone, though.
Best of luck,
Anne BeattsP.S. This letter was written by a person. A.B.
Many thanks to Clifford for sharing this letter, and at such a perfect moment. Submissions are always welcome.
Support Letters of Note…
The P.S. is eerily prophetic!
Love it. If I'd gotten that letter, I really wouldn't feel so bad.